Self-esteem check: Too low, too high or just right?
Self-esteem is shaped by your relationships, your experiences and your thoughts.
Healthy self-esteem promotes mental well-being, assertiveness, resilience and more.
Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you honestly feel about and
value yourself. Self-esteem involves judging your worth as a person. People with
healthy self-esteem feel good about themselves and see themselves as worthwhile.
People with low self-esteem, on the other hand, put little value on their opinions and
ideas and constantly think that they aren't "good enough."
Self-esteem has been the subject of social research and theory for decades. In
recent years, there's been a concerted effort to boost the self-esteem of
schoolchildren through special programs, with proponents believing it would lead to
happier kids, better grades and less school bullying. Critics of these efforts contend
that pumping up self-esteem, especially in people who may not need a boost, does
little more than inflate egos and feed the "me generation" mentality.
That said, there are plenty of adults who truly feel down on themselves and have
poor self-esteem. Learn why you may have developed a poor self-image, the
difference between healthy self-esteem and narcissism, how you can tell if your self-
esteem needs a boost, and the benefits of healthy self-esteem.
Factors that shape and influence self-esteem
Self-esteem starts forming early in life. Factors that can influence self-esteem
include:
Your own thoughts and perceptions
Other people
School experiences
Sports experiences
Work experiences
Illness, disability or injury
Culture
Religion
Role and status in society
Relationships with those close to you — parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other
important adults — are especially powerful. Many beliefs you hold about yourself
today reflect messages you've received from such people over time. If your close
relationships are good and you receive generally positive feedback, you're more
likely to see yourself as worthwhile. However, if you receive mostly negative
feedback and are often criticized, teased, ridiculed or devalued by others, you're
more likely to think that you're not good enough and to struggle with poor self-
esteem.
But your own thoughts have perhaps the biggest impact on self-esteem. Thoughts
include "self-talk" — what you tell yourself — your perceptions of situations, and
your beliefs about yourself, other people and events. For example, how you measure
success and failure in life affects your sense of self-worth. A series of perceived
successes can lead to feelings of positive self-worth and high self-esteem. A series
of perceived failures can make you feel inferior and reduce your self-esteem.
A wide range of self-esteem
Self-worth ranges from very positive to very negative. Neither extreme is healthy.
Overly high self-esteem. People with unrealistically positive views of themselves
feel they are better or worth more than others. They may become prideful and
arrogant. They may become self-indulgent and believe they deserve special
privileges or whatever they want. And they often regard themselves much more
highly than do others. Critics of self-esteem-raising efforts have raised concerns
that this is precisely the self-image being developed — a narcissistic self-image
characterized by arrogance, pride and boastfulness. In some cases, people in the
manic phase of bipolar disorder may have an intensely inflated but false self-esteem.
Negative self-esteem. People with negative self-esteem believe that they are worth
less than others. They put little value on their opinions and ideas and often feel
ashamed of themselves.
Healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem lies in the middle of the two extremes. It
means having a balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you may have a
generally good opinion of yourself while recognizing that you do have some limits.
With healthy self-esteem you are confident and think positively about your strengths,
abilities, accomplishments and physical appearance. You like and respect yourself
despite your faults but also don't overvalue your strengths. You recognize your
basic worth as an individual yet don't think you're better or worse than others.
Common characteristics of low self-esteem
It's normal for people to go through times when they feel down about themselves.
They lack confidence to do certain tasks and think negatively about their abilities,
accomplishments or physical appearance. However, when you feel bad about
yourself in many areas of life and these feelings become long-standing, then self-
esteem can suffer — as well as can many areas of your life.
Low self-esteem can appear in the way you look, behave and interact with others.
How do you know if you think too little of yourself? You may have some of these
characteristics of low self-esteem:
Negative self-talk, such as, "I'm not worth other people's time, so I shouldn't ask for
help," "I'm a failure," or "I'll never amount to anything."
Frequently apologizing, making self-doubting statements, or making cruel comments
about yourself that you wouldn't make about someone else.
Focusing on perceived flaws and weaknesses.
Seeking constant reassurance from others and not feeling better even with positive
feedback.
Refusing to accept compliments or denying positive comments you get.
Tending to be a perfectionist who's afraid of failure, which may impair work or school
performance.
Benefits of healthy self-esteem
Healthy self-esteem can improve all aspects of life. When you value yourself, you're
open to learning and feedback from others, which increases your ability to meet and
solve challenges. You have confidence in your abilities and tend to do well at school
or work. You feel secure and worthwhile and have generally positive relationships
with others.
With healthy self-esteem you:
Are less prone to painful feelings such as hopelessness, loneliness, worthlessness,
guilt and shame.
Are assertive, which helps you express your needs and opinions confidently.
Have more secure and honest relationships. You're less likely to have trouble
relating to others, to be overly eager to please others at your expense, or to stay in
unhealthy relationships.
Set realistic standards for yourself and others. This makes you less likely to criticize
yourself and others, or to deliberately seek out flaws or weaknesses in yourself or
others.
Weather stress and setbacks better. You're often more confident and resilient when
facing unexpected challenges, disappointments or illnesses.
Are less likely to develop certain mental health conditions, such as eating disorders,
addictions, depression and anxiety disorders.
Since self-esteem affects every facet of life, having a healthy, realistic view of
yourself is important. You also deserve to like and respect yourself and to be happy
with your life and who you are. And remember, doing so doesn't mean that you've
gotten too big for your britches — it means you value yourself.
Self-esteem check: Too low, too high or just right?